Minor Letdowns

 

I’ve been filling up my life with substitutes

But the sum is greater than lesser parts, and it leaves me missing you

 

She said to face my fears, which is why I’m here all alone

But I’m scared that with each passing day I’m further home

 

Consider me inspired

Amid the glow of my whole world set on fire

 

So go on, if that’s all we’ve got now. 

We loved so hard, but that’s not enough to stay

And we’ll be fine love, better than good enough.  

These minor let downs will make someone else’s day

 

So now you notice the simple trends in all these words I write

But I’ll be better, and I’ve come so far from those “What I’ve Become” nights

 

One year removed.  Can you believe where we were

Looking back brings this pain in my chest

Play the tape all the way to the end

Instead of playing just the parts that I loved best

 

 

 

Feel Everything

 

If this were a fight, I’d fight for this

But if you’re just over, then you’re over it

I’ll pack my bags and I’ll be gone tomorrow

 

If that’s a drink why don’t you pass it here

Sober me up when the coast is clear

Tell me then what I’ll never know now

 

They say I work better when my heart’s in disrepair

I’ll agree, but I never wanted us to wind up here

 

In your world,

How does this play out, and what’s left in the middle

When somebody else comes around

I won’t play the victim but I’m losing the best thing that I’ve found

And now I feel everything

 

So if this is the end, let’s just be done with it

Cut all these ties and all this bullshit

There’s no need to watch this all burn to the ground

 

I can’t fathom moving on,

Just erase all that we’ve become

Is this what you still want?

Tell me what I did so wrong to lose my love?

 

 

Match

 

I don’t know what I believe anymore

There are still these parts of me that hold out hope

And other parts that don’t want to wait for

This myth of unrealistic romantic love

But still I try. 

 

I feel beaten and broken

I’m staggering home

In a city filled with thousands

I’ve never felt so damn alone 

So now you know

 

My whole life I have flirted with darkness

Comfort in ignoring the light

It’s just been recently that I have picked my head up

With my fists clenched and my jaw tight

Now I’ll try

 

I’m sensitive and fragile

And I’m heartache prone

In a city filled with thousands

I've never felt so damn alone

So now you know

 

Everybody is building up their lives

And it’s way past time that I started working on mine.

 

 

 

First Move

 

I don’t pick up on your hidden glances

It’s never been a strength that I’ve possessed

So just tell me if you want me

Tell me what you are thinking of

Cause I’m no good at guessing

That’s what being forward’s for

 

Cause I can’t follow if you’re too shy

Just try to say exactly what you mean

This will be better when it’s just right,

some more wine

Say something sexy to me…

Then make the first move, and I will follow suit

So if you want it you got it, just come on over and get it

 

Call it lack of confidence if it suits you

But I find it hard to make the first move

So just tell me that you need me

And that there’s something you’re thinking of

There’s plenty of time for sleeping

But now that we’re both up…

 

And I get so lost now inside these things we all believe

Grown up thinking one thing but living someone else’s dream.

 

 

 

The Fine Art of Feigning Interest

 

Let me start by saying that I’m sorry

You were kind enough

But those words weren’t meant for you

I’m just not sure who I should give them to

I guess I’m lonely, which is odd because

I’m surrounded by my friends

But how many of them know who I am?

 

It’s a balance act, this giving and taking

But from where we are at it’s more like we’re grasping at nothing now…

 

There is more to this than listening

It’s what you do with the words once they are spoken

This vertigo is pulling me places

 

There’s an art to feigning interest

And it’s fine if you hadn’t planned for heavy lifting

Just put down the words and slowly walk away

 

Let me end by saying that I’m crazy

And maybe someday I’ll learn

That it’s the story of being insane

To expect something different when it’s always the same

So stick with what you know

And stay with what you have

And forget the things I’ve said

We’ll all be better off in the end

 

Stick with what you might be good at.

 

 

Gone

 

So, here I am…

With life flipped on its head again

I really thought that this time

Would somehow wind up different

Cause I tried so hard my love…

I changed a lot of who I was

But if you can’t dream the future with me

Then what the hell am I convincing you of?

 

And now you don’t get to ask me how I am

 

I woke and it was gone

Now I am a wreck of who I was

And you’re fine because you always would be

It’s unfair of me to say

But based on how my heart aches

I wish I never loved you, baby…

 

So here I am…

Holding what I promised you in both of my hands

I thought the circle meant forever

Not the sign of starting over again

And I’m so sorry that all these words

Don’t make up the song you wanted

But I hope you’re still listening

And this song leaves you haunted

 

Listen up, just so you know

I’ll be better than before

I’ve still got the best of me

I’ll put on a show for those at home

I’ve fooled the masses before

and this will be Oscar worthy

 

 

 

If Only For A Weekend

 

I spend far too many nights fixed on things I can’t change

I keep measuring my life by how I match up the same

This glass had always been on the empty side

I’ve been trying to fill it up with anything I could find

But I was wrong to think anyone could

Turn this around with time

 

But it’s in those kind eyes

And the way you smile

 

So stay with me in Boston, let me pour you a drink

We’ll keep the conversation light so we don’t have to think

We’ll spend the weekend, playing pretend

And if we’ve timed this out alright maybe it won’t have to end…

 

This time was rarely spent on the brighter side

Been too busy reaching for anything I can find   

Nothing completes me.  Nothing defines me

I’m more than these words that I write 

 

And maybe it’s crazy.  Over-impulsive

Or maybe it’s something that I’m falling in love with

This whole idea of keeping thing easy

Just be present in this moment…locked inside the weekend

 

 

 

Love Me Better

 

Just in case you were wondering

I’ve been better than I was before

I keep changing directions

Slow to start but now I’m wanting more

I don’t know which way I’m going to go, but I know

Somebody is going to love me better

 

And then it was over

Half through some bottle wondering what went wrong

But I’ve stopped with the questions

Nothing to change here but the way I move on

And I don’t know which way I’m going to go, but I know

Somebody is going to love me better

 

 

 

Recovery Is A Long Road

 

I’m feeling helpless lately, at the mercy of this tired lament

Recovery is a long road but maybe I’ll be better when I’m at the end

And I’ll try to stay open, leave here hoping that I’ll find this love again

But like I’ve said, I won’t go holding my breath

 

I can feel it when I’m thinking too much

And I can feel it when I’m remembering

I can feel it when I’m thinking too much

No more remembering

 

I’m learning to be fine on my own

But who’ll miss me when I’m gone?

Maybe I’m better off being alone

Someone prove me wrong…

 

I’m feeling hopeful lately, but scared to leave it up to chance

To stay here open, vulnerable and broken, waiting for that love again

 

Suffice to say it will take a while to get back

Recovery is a long road and now I’m here in the midst of it

 

 

 

Saving Grace

 

If these walls could talk what would they say?

Which stories would they pick to give away

Be quiet now don’t you let on

They all think the same thing now

 

I can’t believe that we weren’t saved

When did we lose our saving grace?

From the way things looked up here everything was ok

So when did we lose our way?

 

So now we’ve become some tired cliché

You can dress it up as different but it’s all the same

Be quiet now, don’t you let on

That I chase this feeling like a high I’m coming down from

 

These lonely nights they speak so loudly.  Deafening.

So mouth the words you speak but do it quietly

Cause we can’t let on what we all think now

It’s different when we’re all about

These things we can’t just go without

Hold on now…

 

 

A Fine Departure

 

What would you think of me my friends

If I left with nothing?

These dreams I thought that I could have

Have since been corrupted

And what do I have to show you now?

Just tales to tell the best way I know how…

 

What if I forget?

What then will I have left?

But to wait for night to sleep

And dream of what I had but couldn’t keep…

 

It seems no matter how far you go

You’re always left with “what ifs”

Like freezing water for the soul

That leaves you breathless

And time won’t slow no matter how often I plead

And with the days, I’ll slowly fade, but still I sing…

 

So if this is all I’ve left to write

Could we slip away and light up the night

Spark fires in the sky, turn this town on its side

A fine departure from these beautiful times…