Release

 

Ok

 

I’ve changed every little part of me

Just to have you sit there and disbelieve

Now are you waiting for something more than this?

Are you needing something I can’t give?  

 

Ok, I’m the worst thing that you know

Ok, this would be better left alone

Ok, we should give in and just get out

We should give up and fall to doubt

And admit what we’ve become now

 

I think our egos get in the way

And mold all of the things that we shouldn’t say

Now we’re trying for something we can’t have

Now we’re trying for something we’ll never have

 

Maybe there’s just too much weight on me now

Maybe there’s just too much that we don’t talk about

Tell me when we turn this whole damn thing around

Because I’m wanting out

I’m needing out

 

 

Touch

 

Embrace the warmth of this fire

I curb how I feel, now I fight this desire

I’ve given up trying know what I want, but I’m narrowing it down

Take out the stuff that weighs heavy

Keep it sexy and sound

 

Cause sometimes I’m so lonely

But sometimes I need to be alone

Forgive my lovely

But I don’t think I can do without  

 

That touch of yours is something

It always leaves me wanting just a little bit more

We’re almost there now.

I know this could amount to nothing

But what if we were something just a little bit more

We’re almost there now.

 

Forget the plans you had for the evening

Tell me what you want and I’ll tell you what I’m thinking

I won’t claim to know what I want

It changes day-to-day

Take out the drama that weighs heavy

Let’s be sexy and crazed

 

But I don’t trust myself past today

I don’t trust myself

But I’m sick of being lonely.

 

Here For Good   

 

They say it’s a right of passage

Something to expect from looking backwards

And it comes at this age

Everyone starts to separate

Create new lives while the others dissipate

But I can’t stand this change

 

It’s the death of the circle we lived in

If I weren’t alone, I would probably feel different  

 

I’m feeling so much older

And I’m not ready

For the secrets I’ve unearthed

That should have stayed buried

No one knows me better

Than you my best friends

So tell me that you’re here for good

Make me believe it

 

I was told about this

Because we follow a path that never changes

I’m tired of resisting

There will always be something there

That will keep what we’ve built in disrepair

It won’t take convincing

 

They’ll call me someday

Remember my face but forget my name

They’ll miss me someday

When I’m finally gone from this place. 

 

Someday I’ll be gone from this place.

I’m gone.

 

 

 

Motionless

 

A wake-up call like a heart attack

Any excuse so that I can’t go back

I don’t ever want to feel like that again

 

Wake me up in a hospital bed

With a list of all the meds I’ll be taking

A little Versed to help me forget you love

 

Set it up like a scene

Tell me what I should be thinking

Watch me close, give me notes

Tell me what I’m not doing  

 

I know that no one is going to save me

She’s got me convinced I’m going crazy

We’ve been holding out for the easy kill

I’ve yet to feel like I am ok

When we repair the bridges we keep burning

Now moving on feels like standing still

 

Can you look past this whole in my chest?

The doctors said that it was all for the best

Forgive me now for what little I have left to give

 

This is more of what I need

A little dose of ‘what the fuck was I thinking?’

 

How did I get here?

Magnify my fears

What should I be doing?

How do I get over you now?

 

 

 

Anything Or Anyone

 

This is my ‘Bailey Building and Loan’

This is my bloody lip, this is my drafty home

These are the dreams of a jaded young man

Who’s wondering if life is better off without him

 

These are the plans for a future I’ll hope for

These are the truths that I’ve tried to ignore

Here are the demons that I’ve tried to exorcize

They keep coming back, no surprise

 

This is not what I planned out

This is not what I was told I could have

What happened to my ending?

I need to stop myself from looking back  

 

You could have anything or anyone

But nothing could be further from the truth

You could have anything you’d ever want

Who told that myth to you

 

This is the suitcase I’ll never use

This is the rope that could pull down the moon

Now I’m just waiting on my Mary to show

Grab my hand and take me home  

 

Cause I can’t stop living this train wreck

I think too much and now I’m losing it

I can’t stop feeling this heart break

Tell me now, are you over it?

 

 

Under Different Circumstances

 

Close your eyes. Hold my hand and dance with me

These four walls, these dim lights, this mystery

Play me your favorite songs. Tell me of your favorite books

Lend me your dreams

So when, in the morning, I wake to reality

I can take them with me  

 

I want to know, does he tell you he loves you?

I want to know, does he hold your hand?

I want to know, does he treat you like I would

If I was your man?

 

I wonder if I’ll ever tell you that this song is about you

What would it change here? How would you feel dear?

What good would it do?

It’s just bad timing. The story of this life, and my eternal truth

But from where I stood love, dancing with you, I had the greatest view

 

Did it mean anything?

Our midnight kiss, the evenings end

I’m sorry that I’m a sucker for this

Hopeless romantic bullshit. 

 

 

 

Monster

 

Oh hello 3 AM, we meet again

I’m growing tired of the way that you keep sucking me in

This mind of mine, I can’t get it to stop

Long enough to fool it into thinking that I’ve made this shit up

 

So if I don’t subscribe to the things that you keep selling me

Blame it on the stubborn side of the things I still believe

And if I can’t go back to the simple way, where will I be?

I’m loosely following the notion that it’s time for me to leave  

 

This time I’m taking my chances

At leaving this place and all that it grants us

To fall back on something I said

That I’d never become, I’ve created instead

 

Oh hello deprecation, how have you been?

I think I said it’s like riding a bike and god damn it, I meant it

I know the things I’ve done, they slap me in the face

Every time I play this guitar in this god-forsaken place

 

I’m envious of your display

I keep crumbling under the weight

I’m envious of your display

I feel like a monster here in this place.

 

 

Breathe, Like It’s Easy

 

Precious few moments left

A simple truth I can’t accept

I’ve tried so hard to right this wreck

In a quiet ocean now neglected

 

Am I alone in this place?

My stubborn side is still holding on

It wasn’t my choice to make

But it leaves me living here without  

 

I shouldn’t spend another moment lost in

All the things that I won’t ever control

Slow it down, breathe deep, like it’s easy

And let it go

 

Keep me from the quiet parts

The ones that make you swallow hard

I’ve worked so hard to come this far

Tell me friend, am I close to where you are?

 

When I think too much, every thought’s like a stain

No matter how hard I scrub they never fade away.

 

 

At The Ruins

 

I don’t sleep much these days  

I’ve been too busy falling apart at the seems

I keep seeing her face

A year in hell has me tossing and turning

 

I came back to this place

Hoping somehow she’d know to come find me

But I’ve since been replaced

For an upgrade with added stability  

 

Now it’s full circle back to the end

I was hoping for something different

And I’m losing myself again

Here at The Ruins

 

I’m such a pathetic little case

Or maybe I’m just messed up

I keep holding my hand in the flame

But isn’t that what they call love?

 

Doesn’t this place remind you of us?

Something so beautiful that suddenly falls apart

 

All the lies

All of those horrible things

All the fights

And still I’m here waiting

I’m waiting.

 

 

 

Anxious Anymore

 

I’m tired of these AM wake-ups

Leaving before five

I’m tired of this feeling in my chest

Heart racing, so tight

 

I can’t stop checking up on you

An addition that I can’t kick

Because you’re fine and now we’re through

and I’m a wreck, I’m fucking sick

 

I can’t get back to the place I always though we’d be

I can’t fight for this when you’re not calling me  

 

I don’t see you now

Not like before

I don’t want to feel lonely anymore

I don’t feel you now

Not like before

I don’t want to feel anxious anymore

 

I’m sick of just thinking of you

Laying down there with him

Saying things we only said to each other

And now you’re sharing them

 

I’m a wreck with the lies you told me

Just to save some face

You always said that I got what I wanted

My, how the times have changed

 

And I can’t find a way out of this hole I’ve dug myself in

I can’t leave until I finally stop remembering

 

My chest is hurting

My eyes are swollen

And no one knows it but me… and now you.

 

 

 

So This Is How It Ends

 

I keep hearing that texts

Are the modern equivalent

Of a love note

With simple prose

But these words that I’m reading now

Seem to be holding out

And have been from the get-go

 

Are you tired of the ride?

Should we give it more time?

It’s been months now

My faith has turned into doubt

Hold me up by the scruff

When I’m angry and drunk

These double standards are

So unfair my love

I keep screaming  

 

Leave me alone

I’ve got nothing to say no more

I’ve got nothing to give to anyone

I’m just a shell of who I was

We had it all

But you messed that up for both of us

The light at the end

Blown out by the wind

Was all we were looking for

 

Listen now to what you say

Can you back up a thing

Look objectively

And tell me what you see

Something more, something less

The glass is half full at best

Are you listening?

Or do I have to scream?

 

Things change when I’m not ready

Things move even when I’m holding them steady

You could say that I’m giving up

You should say that I’m giving up

Because I am.

 

 

The Walking Dead

 

I would have driven myself crazy had I tried to predict

That everything I had ever worked for would bring me to this

Nothing ever works out the way you want, despite your best plans

The final product seldom looks like what you drew out by hand  

 

So if I could trust in the things that you’ve said

If I could cherish what little is left

Just breathe new life into the walking dead

Would there still be this sentiment?

 

I might have told you that I am not one to believe in much

Blame it on years of falling apart or the absence of luck

But I am no different than anyone else with half a heart

But it feels like the wrong feet keep leading me out from the start

 

All of the wrong words keep rushing out

Exploding like fireworks when they leave my mouth.

 

You can blame it all on my bad habits

You can blame it on me

But someday I’ll learn to let it go

Someday I’ll learn to leave.

 

 

 

Quit You

 

I’ve run myself ragged

Trying to make any sense

Of all our misfortunes

In the months since I left

 

They say turn around

And never look back

But I’ve been walking sideways

Just so I know where you’re at  

 

I can’t quit you

No matter how hard I try

And I think I’ll be trying

For the rest of my life

 

I don’t believe in destiny  

And I won’t believe in fate

Just piss poor luck and realizations that came way too late

 

Someday you’ll be over me

And you’ll learn to love again

And I’ll regret missed opportunities

When I have to call you Mrs. Him.